I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
