it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
