your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
