We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
