Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
