The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
