she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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