I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
