How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was like eating out sand paper
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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