you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
