i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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