Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
