His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
