I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
