...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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