Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
