Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
