i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize