i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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