We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize