I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
