woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
