just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
