Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
