I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
