I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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