doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
