Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
