oh god the rape fog is back!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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