yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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