I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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