were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
