I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
