I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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