He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
