I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
