No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize