My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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