we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
love makes seman taste better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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