i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
