you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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