dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think your dad took our porno
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
