The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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