1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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