Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
