im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I supernannyed him into submission
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
