the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
