When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
