booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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