I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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