She is in my trunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
