Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize