he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
