I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
