I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
