someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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