Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
