just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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