Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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