How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
