Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
