Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
