i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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