Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize