This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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