Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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