Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
