Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
