Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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