Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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