It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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