oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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