I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i've created a new STD.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
