I could have mohawked her pubes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
