Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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