She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize