so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
