don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
