He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
