If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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